I'm Walking Away...

Just over three years ago, I became involved in the rescue community, and finally found what my life had been missing for so long…a purpose.  After that very first foster experience (Heidi and the barracudas), I finally realized what I had been put on this earth to do.  I fostered many times over the last three years.  One of the very best days of my life was foster failing with Ollie.  My heart has been broken so many times (for example, Riley) when my foster moves on to their forever home, but seeing those dogs finally get their forever made it all worth it. 

Unfortunately, all of that is coming to an end.  And I’m walking away.  It’s not a decision I take lightly, and to say I’m devastated is the understatement of the century.  But it’s what has to happen. 

The fact is, the last three times we’ve had fosters for longer than one night, things have happened.  Bad things.  In October, the day Boscoe was adopted, Tucker had his incident.  In December, Simon was adopted, but Tucker had been battling abnormal kidney levels as well as hair loss.  Thankfully a food change righted that.  And now, with our current foster, Tucker has begun to go after Ollie. Last night and this morning, Tucker mounted and began to fight Ollie.  Ollie didn’t immediately submit, so it escalated.  We were able to break each incident up, but it was beyond scary.  Tucker also went after the foster this morning when she got too close to his ball.  She immediately backed down, but that was the end of it for me.  They are all now separated, and unfortunately, our foster is being returned to rescue.

I’m heartbroken.  I’ve NEVER returned a dog to rescue.  I’ve stuck by my fosters, no matter how many blankets they shredded, how many times they had accidents in the house, or how many times I was woken up in the middle of the night.  It’s part of the process.  It’s what I do.  But not anymore.

I feel like I failed.  I feel like I failed Athena (our foster).  I feel like I failed all of the dogs that won’t get to come to our home.  But mostly I feel like I failed my own dogs, for not listening to them when they so clearly said “mama, we don’t like having fosters for more than one night”.  I was blinded by the fact that they are DAMN GOOD foster brothers, and have helped out so many dogs.  But just because they’re good at it, doesn’t mean they enjoy it.  I can’t ignore them any longer.

At this point, I’m not even sure what’s going on between Tucker and Ollie is fixable.  I think it is, and I think with time and work, we can get back to normal.  But I don’t really know… I don’t know if adding a third adult dog shook up the pack dynamic to the point Tucker felt he needed to assert his dominance over Ollie.  I don’t know if it’s a medical issue that hasn’t been diagnosed.  I truly don’t know what’s going on.  What I DO know is we have zero issues when there isn’t a third dog in the house and since the common denominator seems to be fostering, I'm walking away...

I have a call in to the vet, and have emailed a dog trainer, as well as a trusted dog friend.  I WILL get to the bottom of this, and I WILL do what is best for my dogs.  For the time being (and the unforeseeable future), that means no fosters.  None.  Zip, Zero, Zilch.  I’m hoping a foster free home will allow things to go back to normal.  If not, vet visits will be in order and training will be done.  I will do whatever is needed, and will stand by my dogs 100%.  As much as I’ll miss fostering, they come first, and that’s all there is to it.

Having said all this, does NOT mean I’m leaving the rescue world.  I just have to take a different angle.  I will still help run Doghousing,Inc. and will get involved in other ways.  Maybe it’s time to start volunteering at a local shelter, or start transporting.  I’m not sure where I’ll go from here, but I know the options are out there. 

I’m have no doubt I’ll have critics of my decision, and that’s okay.  There’s always drama in rescue anyway, so I’m used to it.  But I feel like it’s necessary to be completely transparent, and to let people know WHY I’m going to be saying no when asked to foster. The bottom line is I must do what’s best for me and for my boys, and I stand firmly by the decision I made today.